It came about because my Mum had planned a trip to Sydney to visit my sister and it got me thinking that I hadn't been down to visit her in almost a year. The trip was in only a few weeks and although last year I took Chloe with me at 3 months old, the thought of taking a 1 year old on a trip after a not so good experience with Mason on a plane at about the same age, made me think 'nahh, not the right time', but then I remembered that my husband was going on his football trip the week after and it occurred to me that I could go by myself... what would that be like? I immediately felt a bit guilty, but I decided it might be just what I needed.
As I have said before, I am always going to be honest on this blog. So, in the interest of being honest I have to tell you that for the past couple of weeks I have not been myself. I have been feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and even angry at times. I have cried a lot, felt more depressed than I can ever remember feeling and struggled to be my usual positive, happy and enthusiastic self. There is no stand out issue. Nothing in particular that I could say, 'That is the problem. That is why I am feeling this way', but just an overwhelming sense of 'I can't keep going like this!'.
My gorgeous husband has been doing his best to cheer me up and snap me out of my funk, but his good intentioned solutions just went over the top of my head. I felt overwhelmed by work, housework, the kids and my relationships. I felt really lost. The trip to Sydney just happened by coincidence but it truly could not have come at a better time. I feel completely renewed, refocused, happy and so grateful, which is what I had been trying to force myself to feel for the past couple of weeks, but it just wasn't happening!
Just having two full days to be just me, just think about what I needed (even typing this I feel selfish, but it's the truth), when I was hungry, when I was thirsty, when I was tired, when I needed to go to the bathroom, has made me feel like a different person. Judge me if you feel the need. Perhaps some mothers don't need this and if that is you then I applaud your selflessness, but after 3+ years as a Mummy, it appears I needed a reboot.
Some people may wonder why I choose to share this in a public way, why not just keep these feelings to my inner circle? The reason is, that I know that if I have felt this way, then someone else has, and wouldn't it have been nice for the past two weeks to know that I was not alone? So I figure, why not share it in the hope that someone else might find comfort in my stories.
Have you ever felt like this? What did you do/how did you snap yourself out of it? I always love hearing from you :-)
I hope you are having a happy filled week!
Sophia xo
PS. Below are some photos from my trip :)
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