My Self-Centred Weekend

So this past weekend I went to Sydney with my Mum to visit my sister by myself. No kids, no husband, just me. It was my first time away from them all since both of the kids were born. I have had a night away from them with my husband here and there, but never by myself.

It came about because my Mum had planned a trip to Sydney to visit my sister and it got me thinking that I hadn't been down to visit her in almost a year. The trip was in only a few weeks and although last year I took Chloe with me at 3 months old, the thought of taking a 1 year old on a trip after a not so good experience with Mason on a plane at about the same age, made me think 'nahh, not the right time', but then I remembered that my husband was going on his football trip the week after and it occurred to me that I could go by myself... what would that be like? I immediately felt a bit guilty, but I decided it might be just what I needed.

As I have said before, I am always going to be honest on this blog. So, in the interest of being honest I have to tell you that for the past couple of weeks I have not been myself. I have been feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and even angry at times. I have cried a lot, felt more depressed than I can ever remember feeling and struggled to be my usual positive, happy and enthusiastic self. There is no stand out issue. Nothing in particular that I could say, 'That is the problem. That is why I am feeling this way', but just an overwhelming sense of 'I can't keep going like this!'.

My gorgeous husband has been doing his best to cheer me up and snap me out of my funk, but his good intentioned solutions just went over the top of my head. I felt overwhelmed by work, housework, the kids and my relationships. I felt really lost. The trip to Sydney just happened by coincidence but it truly could not have come at a better time. I feel completely renewed, refocused, happy and so grateful, which is what I had been trying to force myself to feel for the past couple of weeks, but it just wasn't happening!

Just having two full days to be just me, just think about what I needed (even typing this I feel selfish, but it's the truth), when I was hungry, when I was thirsty, when I was tired, when I needed to go to the bathroom, has made me feel like a different person. Judge me if you feel the need. Perhaps some mothers don't need this and if that is you then I applaud your selflessness, but after 3+ years as a Mummy, it appears I needed a reboot.

Some people may wonder why I choose to share this in a public way, why not just keep these feelings to my inner circle? The reason is, that I know that if I have felt this way, then someone else has, and wouldn't it have been nice for the past two weeks to know that I was not alone? So I figure, why not share it in the hope that someone else might find comfort in my stories.

Have you ever felt like this? What did you do/how did you snap yourself out of it? I always love hearing from you :-)

I hope you are having a happy filled week!

Sophia xo

PS. Below are some photos from my trip :)

The Impact Of The Words We Speak To Our Children

Yesterday I had one of those amazing days as a mother where the kids behave, you get things done and have time to spare. On days like these I think I would like to have 10 more kids, but then there are those other days...

While Chloe was sleeping and Mason was playing quietly in his room (I know! What the!?), I was doing some ironing and watching Dr Maya Angelou on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday. What an inspiring women! You can watch the whole episode here.

One of the things that stuck with me was how she spoke about the power of the words we speak. She pointed out that words spoken can start a war or create peace and how the words we speak may come flying out of our mouths without giving them a second thought, but have a huge impact on those who hear them.

It made me think about how I have been hurt by what some people have said to me and how I'm sure I've hurt others with my words also. As parents we need to be so careful with the words we speak to our children in particular, because they will have such a huge impact on who they become and how they feel about themselves. For instance, I don't like anyone to say my daughter is getting 'so chubby' or is 'a little fatty' because I personally think although she is only young, she is listening to what we say and using these words to form her sense of self. I want her to know she is clever, smart, happy, beautiful, funny and talented so these are the words I choose to use when I talk to her. I don't like any negative words being used even if its all in good fun.

Do you think words impact on small children? How have words spoken to you or spoken by you affected your life or the lives of those around you? 

I always love to chat so feel free to write a comment below or send me an email :)

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Hope you're having an awesome week!

Sophia xo

My Baby Weight Loss Story & Journey to Self Love & Acceptance

I really want my blog to be an honest place; somewhere that people can come to for inspiration to live a clean, healthy, holistic life. I was talking to my husband about this recently and he convinced me that I should be honest about my story and my struggles with my weight and self acceptance. So, as nerve racking and stomach churning as this is to write, I hope that some of you may be able to relate to my story.

Here goes...

I've never really been skinny or overweight. I've always considered myself to be a pretty 'average', however, since I was about 15 I remember having a strong sense that when it came to weight and appearance in life, 'average' wasn't good enough (I can actually pin point the exact moment at 15 that I first ever felt like I was too big, but that's another blog post...). Like so many other young women, since that age I have constantly beaten myself up for having too much pudge, not enough tone, too big of a stomach, too flat of a bum, chubby arms, the list goes on... I actually remember the night I started dating my husband we were posing for a photo and I asked for it to be retaken because I didn't like the little fat roles between my arm and chest (you know the crease that happens under your arm when you hold your arm snug next to your body) that are inevitable on pretty much everyone. I still have that photo and it looks ridiculous because it is just of our heads! What!?

This self critical talk only got worse when I had my babies and struggled with my post baby weight. After both of my babies were born I had about 10kg to lose to get back to my pre-baby weight. After I had Mason, I did it with short bursts of super restrictive eating which I could only ever sustain for a week or two. I would drop a chunk of weight and then go back to my normal eating, maintain that for a few weeks before getting another burst of motivation. It wasn't a healthy way of doing it.

Shortly after Chloe was born I came across a program called Jamie Eason Live Fit which was a fairly intense 12 week challenge on www.bodybuilding.com. I started the program on the 14th of January this year and for the first time in my life I took it really seriously and stuck to it for the duration of the 12 weeks. It involved a very strict regimented eating plan of 6 meals a day with balanced carbs, protein and fats, and it tapered carbs off towards the end of the day. There were also 5-6 sessions of weights and cardio per week. I was spending about 1.5 hours in the gym 5-6 times a week. This was when I started my 'Clean Fit Mum' instagram account, was taking progress pics every 2 weeks and started to get really serious about 'being healthy'. It didn't take long for me to start seeing serious results too. I had a lot of people noticing my weight loss and I was fitting my clothes better and seeing results in my progress pics, but the closer I got to my goals, the more I altered them so they were out of reach. Here are my week 8 progress pics. You can see that I was seeing results, but I still wasn't happy with how I looked.

When I reached my original goal, I said it didn't feel the way I thought it would so I set another goal of being even lighter. I had this idea in my head for so many years that if I could just get to a certain weight on the scales then I would be happy and all of my insecurities would disappear. I was so surprised and disappointed to find that not only did they not disappear, but I would probably say they became worse. I was so focused on my weight and body shape that even though I was the smallest I had been in my adult life, I still didn't feel that good about myself. It had also started to feel all consuming. I would stress about going to family functions or being in situations where I couldn't stick to my diet plan. I would take my chicken breast, sweet potato and broccoli to birthday parties and baby showers and beat myself up like crazy for days if I did have a cheat.

I got into a bad pattern of emotional eating to fill the void that I thought would be filled when I got to my goal weight. So surprise surprise, I put most of the weight back on! And in only a month! At this point I was feeling truly miserable. I was so confused about what would make me happy. What I had thought would make me happy, didn't. So what now?

At times I convinced myself that food made me happy, so I should just accept that in the end it wasn't worth doing all the work to be skinny and being able to indulge regularly in Hot Chocolates and Tim Tams felt better. I lived in that place for a while but inevitably felt worse and worse. It was at this point that I stumbled upon a few health & wellness blogs in search of motivation to get back on the bandwagon and to my surprise instead I had a revelation.

My problem was not my weight and never was my weight. My problem was that I didn't love and accept myself and if I didn't love and accept myself the way I was at any given moment then I never would. It didn't matter how much weight I lost or how flat my stomach was, if I kept telling myself I wasn't good enough, then I would always believe I wasn't good enough. This was when my whole attitude shifted and I felt like things started to change.

I started to consciously look at myself and my body and say why wouldn't I love myself? My body has given birth to two healthy babies (Thanks for that body! You are pretty bloody awesome!) It's not perfect, but who's is?

At first the thought of looking at myself and thinking 'I love myself' felt uncomfortable, wrong, conceited and stupid, but I kept doing it anyway and eventually I started to believe it. As I started to believe it I started to become concious of treating myself like I would treat someone I love. I was kind, forgiving, accepting and nurturing. I didn't feel the urge to binge on junk food. I wanted to fuel my body with the best food available. If I slipped up, I was conscious about forgiving myself quickly and moving on. At first it didn't come naturally. I wanted to tell myself I was weak and pathetic for not being able to resist temptation, so I imagined what I would say to my best friend if she said she had slipped up on her diet. It has since started to happen naturally and I rarely make a bad food choice because I want to treat my body as well as I possibly can. But, if I do have a moment of weakness, I can honestly say I hardly give it a second thought. I think to myself 'woops, shouldn't have done that because that isn't the best thing for my body, but oh well, it's done now. Moving on...'

To say that you love yourself is not being 'up yourself'. It has nothing to do with ego. It has to do with respect. Having respect for your own mind and body is something that can completely change your life for the better.

I am by no means at a point where I no longer struggle with self esteem, self confidence and self acceptance. A far cry in fact. But, I am so much closer than I was a few months ago or a few years ago, or ever. I still hear the little voice inside my head when I look at myself in the mirror that says 'you aren't good enough', but every day I am getting better at ignoring that voice and training myself to think 'I love and accept myself exactly as I am today'. I must say, it is bloody refreshing!

At the moment, my weight has reached a happy place of sorts somewhere in between the two photos above. I eat healthy every day. I move my body every day. And I think good thoughts every day. So if this is where my body wants to be when I am doing all of those things, then I am happy with that.

I hope this post has come across in a way that makes anyone who falls into the trap of thinking 'I'll be happy when...' or 'I'd be happy if...' think why not be happy now? Why not accept myself as I am? Love myself as I am? It is still okay to try to change yourself for the better, but do it from a place of love for yourself. Change your diet because you respect your body, not because you want to be skinny, or fit into a certain size, or look like someone else. Go to the gym or do a yoga class because it makes you feel good and it is good for your body, not because it will burn a certain amount of calories. If you alter your thinking, you might find like I did that that is what will change your feelings toward a certain situation, even if the situation itself doesn't change or hasn't changed yet.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story. I am so grateful and I truly hope you got something out of it. If you liked it, please share it with your friends :)

Sophia xo

Ps. If you haven't already, please pop over and like my Facebook page! The link is at the top of the page to the right. I would love to have you become part of our little community xx

Clean Almond & Goji Berry Cluster Muesli

I have had a rather serious love affair with Cluster Muesli and Yogurt for quite some time now, but since I started to get serious about my health at the beginning if the year, I had to say goodbye to my favourite store bought variety and I'm not going to lie, I have missed it alot!

So, I decided to try to make my own 'clean' version...

Here is my take on Cluster Muesli with Almonds and Goji Berries!

Ingredients:

2 cups of Rolled Oats

3/4 cup of Almonds

1 tsp of Cinnamon

1/2 tsp Sea Salt

2 Egg Whites

1/3 cup of Natvia

1/2 tsp of Vanilla

1/3 of a cup of Goji Berries

Method:

1. Preheat the oven to 180 DegreesCelsius 

2. Line a large baking tray with baking paper

3. In a mixing bowl add the Oats, Almonds, Cinnamon and Salt

4. In another bowl combine the eggs, Natvia and Vanilla

5. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and combine 

6. Spread the mixture out on the baking tray

7. Bake for 10 minutes, then mix it up and turn them over and cook for another 10 minutes or until golden (keep a close eye in it so it doesn't go black on the edges like mine ;))

8. Then add the Goji Berries and break it up into a bowl or container and serve with some Greek yogurt. Delicious!

Let me know how you go if you give this recipe a try! 

Come over and like the Clean Fit Mum Facebook page (link in the column to the right of this post) for more healthy tips and recipes! 

Sophia xo

Walnut & Basil Crusted Salmon on Sweet Potato & Pine Nut Salad

There were a few requests for this recipe when I posted a photo on Facebook earlier in the week so here we go :-)

Ingredients for Salmon:

1 cup of Walnuts

1/2 cup of Fresh Basil Leaves

3 Tbsp Olive Oil

1/2 cup of Rolled Oats

Sprinkle of Sea Salt & Black Pepper

1 Cup Salt Reduced Chicken Stock

2 pieces of Atlantic Salmon 

Ingredients for Salad:

Spinach Leaves (as much as you like)

Kale (as much as you like)

400g sweet potato (cut into bite size cubes)

Tbsp coconut oil

1/2 tsp of Parika

1/2 tsp of Cinnamon

1/3 cup Pine Nuts

2 tsp sesame seeds

Salad Dressing:

1 part Olive Oil

1 part Apple Cider Vinegar

Sprinkle of Sea Salt & Pepper

Method: Salmon

1. Preheat Oven to 180degrees Celsius

2. Place first 5 ingredients in a food processor (I used a blender because I don't have a food processor)

3. Blend until smooth(ish)

4. Place Salmon in a non-stick tray or line a tray with baking paper 

5. Spread the mixture on top of each of your pieces of Salmon

6. Pour 1 cup of Chicken Stock into tray

7. Place in oven for about 20 minutes or until crust is crispy and Salmon is cooked

Method: Salad

1. Place Sweet Potato Cubes in a lined baking tray

2. Drizzle Sweet Potato with Coconut Oil

3. Sprinkle Sweet Potato with Paprika & Cinnamon

4. Place in oven for 15-20 minutes or until soft and golden

5. When ready to serve add Sweet Potato, Pine Nuts and Sesame Seeds to Spinach & Kale

6. Combine dressing ingredients, then drizzle over salad and mix all ingredients , evenly coating leaves with dressing.

Once the salad is complete, place a piece of Salmon on top. Basil to garnish.

For the Kids dinner I chopped it all up and mixed in some avocado.

Let me know how you go if you give this recipe a try! If you like this recipe, please share with your friends! 

Sophia xo

My Dad's Garden Party Birthday!

Last weekend we celebrated my Dad's Birthday with an Italian style outdoor garden party. The weather was absolutely amazing on the Gold Coast last weekend! It has since cooled down a fair bit unfortunately!

Now, if you solely read my blog for health and clean eating tips, then avert your eyes now. Whilst I am all about eating healthy and exercising, I am also about occasionally enjoying an amazing feast with family and friends on a prefect day! If you're okay with that too then read on...

As per usual, Tim was first at the table when the antipasto came out...he doesn't shy away from olives, eggplant or a piece of prosciutto... or 10.

 Teaching Mason his ways...

Like I said, this ones not a post about clean eating...

For the main, we had Penne, Osso Bucco, Roast Veges and Salad. It was my sisters first attempt at Osso Bucco and it was delicious!!

 My children might only be a 1/4 Italian, but they still get into their pasta like they're full blooded!

For dessert we had Cannolli and they were amazing!!!

We had to have a cake as well because it's no ones birthday to Mason without a cake! On the way down to Mum and Dad's I said to Mason "Remember it's Nonno's Birthday today" and he said 

"Yeah, I'm gonna eat it!".

Nonno is one of Mason's absolute favourite people in the world!

It was such a beautiful day. I'm so grateful for my awesome family!

Sophia xo

Changing my attitude about how to be a good Mum

Before I had my first child I remember having visions of what sort of a mother I would be. Truth be told I have been having visions of what kind of a mother I would be since I was 5. It was my number one life goal for as long as I can remember.

Growing up I idolised my own mother and wanted to be just like her; a stay at home Mum with 4 kids. She was and still is the best Mum anyone could ever ask for. But until fairly recently I thought that in order to be as good of a mother as her, I had to be a mother just like her. I think I have to confess that during my pregnancy with Mason I made comments to my husband, mother and close friends that I thought parents who used controlled cyring or Save Our Sleep were cruel, I thought breastfeeding would be easy (Bahahahaha) and I thought I would be a stay at home mum at all costs and not put my children in daycare. Ohhh the naivety. Please try not to judge me, I had nooo idea!

When Chloe was two months old I kind of reluctantly took on working from home. I was lucky because thanks to my parents I had an opportunity to work from home which meant I didn't have to leave my babies to go in to work. But over time working from home became frustrating because it can feel like you are always working and I began resenting having to work at all. I felt as though I couldn't be as good of a mother and wife as I wanted to be if I wasn't focused 100% on my kids and husband all the time and doing all of the housework myself. I ended up becoming quite frustrated and angry with the situation.

I recently decided to try going into the office two days a week which has not only given me some time outside of the home, but has also given me my evenings back! Since November last year, most nights of the week I have put the kids off to bed, finished tidying up and then started work. I feel so much more calm and relaxed now that I am getting some time to chill after the kids go to sleep. I feel like this new routine is actually making me a much better wife and mother. I am a little more calm and less highly strung because I am not constantly so overwelmed!

So this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I thought of becoming a Mum and I have fought against it for a while, but now that I have finally given into working 2 days a week, it's really not so bad! I've come to realise that every Mum is on their own journey to find what works best for them and their family. I don't have to live up to the expectations I had of being a Mum before I even became a Mum! In fact, I now swear by Save Our Sleep, Breastfeeding was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I use daycare and work 2 days a week! hahaha I'm sure there is a saying about exactly this kind of irony, but I can't think of what it is...

Did you have a vision of what kind of a parent you would be? Does your reality look different too? Leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you :-)

Sophia xo